Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
