batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Randomize
