Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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