Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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