so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
