I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?