My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
