Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
