Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize