i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
