the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
