I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
