My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We talked him into tasing himself.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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