dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it's great music for shaving your balls
this will be a night to untag.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
