i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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