Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
