I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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