How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
