I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
