I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
