FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
