tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
