that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
