My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
