you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
this just has baby written all over it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
