Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
