i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
