I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
