guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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