hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
