Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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