There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
