I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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