She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
