Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
