There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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