you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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