I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
