Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
