Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i came on her dog
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
