I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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