Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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