Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
