the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
