my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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