Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
