In the future we'll all be gay
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
