Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
