Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
