Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
