when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She even gives head with a lisp.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
