just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you will always have a special place in my vag
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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