You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
