I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
