First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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