when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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