Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
