I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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