So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
