He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
