so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
