help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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