So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
