Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
