Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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