How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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