After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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