Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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