mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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