the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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