I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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