my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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