I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's rum buckets o'clock
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
