I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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