You can't motorboat a personality
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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